In customer success (CS), we’re obsessed with data and the plethora of acronyms that represent it: net revenue retention (NRR), net promoter scores (NPS), customer lifetime value (CLV), time to value (TTV), and customer health scores. You name it, we track it.
It may come as a surprise to you, but some of the biggest shocks in my career never showed up on a dashboard. What truly took me aback was when an account with a glowing green health score suddenly churned, or when a flawless deployment went nowhere because the relationship had quietly eroded.
Almost every single time when I dug into those situations, the root cause wasn’t the product, the timeline, or the scope. It was communication, or more accurately, the lack of it.
I’ve come to believe that most of the metrics we obsess over are lagging indicators of something far more basic: how well we communicate, especially when the pressure is on. When communication is strong, the metrics tend to follow. When it’s weak, no dashboard in the world can save you.
Too many CS teams slip into what I call “passive partnership.” We want to be helpful, so we overpromise. We want to be liked, so we soften our language. We avoid friction even when friction is exactly what the customer needs. It feels good at the moment, but it doesn’t build trust.
If there’s one gaping misconception about customer success, it’s that it’s about being agreeable. Trust me, it isn’t. Customer success is about relationship capital, and the way you communicate is perhaps the most important deposit or withdrawal you can make.
Here’s how I’ve been coaching my teams to handle communication differently by following five simple methods:
1. Stop S.T.A.B.-ing your customers
One of the first bad habits I noticed when I started leading CS teams was how easily uncertainty sneaks into our language. We say “I suspect,” “I think,” or “we believe.”
I’ve instructed my teams to stop S.T.A.B.-ing their customers:
- Suspect
- Think
- Assume
- Believe
This tends to show up in small ways:
- “I think the fix will be ready tomorrow.”
- “We believe the feature you’ve requested will be available next quarter.”
Individually, these phrases don’t seem like a big deal. But over time, they chip away at customers’ confidence. They signal that we’re not fully in control of the situation.
What I’ve been instructing my teams is this: if you don’t know, don’t fill the gap with guesswork; fill it with structure.
Instead of: “I think this should work.”
Say: “Based on what we’re seeing now, we expect X. If that doesn’t get us there, our next step is Y.”
That shift from speculation to clear next steps changes how customers experience you.
Thankfully, customers don’t expect perfection. But what they do expect is transparency and predictability – that one’s non-negotiable. A small shift from speculation to structure does more for trust than you may think.
2. Fix the problem and the person
Early in my leadership role, I fell into a trap I see a lot of strong teams fall into: we focus almost exclusively on solving the problem. And we got good at it.
Every problem has two layers: the problem itself and the human reaction to it. We’re trained to fix the first. The second is what people actually remember.
The customer isn’t always right, but they always have a right. A right to feel heard, to feel the pressure they’re under, to feel that their reputation is on the line.
So my approach is to address the human side first;:
- “I can see how disruptive this is for your team.”
- “I understand the pressure this is putting on your timeline and your stakeholders.”
It’s not about fluffy empathy, but demonstrating a genuine awareness of the stakes they’re facing. Once the person feels seen, they’re far more willing to partner on the actual solution.
The strongest relationship moments I’ve ever seen didn’t happen when we solved a problem, but they happened in the follow-up call when the customer got to say: “Yes, this actually worked.”
Danielle Martin
3. Are you a waiter, a bouncer or a guide?
When things get tense, most CSMs fall into one of three roles.
“The Waiter,” who avoids friction at all costs, says “yes” too quickly, keeping everyone happy right now. Great short-term vibe, terrible for long-term relationships.
“The Bouncer” pushes back hard, protects the scope aggressively and can shut conversations down fast. Boundaries are protected, but trust often isn’t.
Then there’s “the Guide.” This is the mindset I push my teams for every single time. The Guide listens, but still leads. They understand where the customer wants to go and take responsibility for the right path to get there.
That can sound like:
- “That’s not the best approach, and here’s why”
- “I recommend doing it this way because it will get you the outcome you are actually aiming for”
Not defensive. Not aggressive. Just clear.
Customers don’t lose trust when you push back, but they sure as hell do when you don’t.
Sometimes you may need to borrow the Bouncer’s costume to protect scope or the Waiter’s costume to concede a small point for long-term goodwill. But you always come back to the assertive middle ground. That’s where sustainable partnerships are built.
4. Same side of the table
One of the simplest mindset shifts I made was moving away from the default “us vs. them” posture. I actively push my teams to break that pattern.
When things get complex, I don’t want endless email threads or status updates; I want us on the phone with our customers or, better yet, in the same room with them. When communicating, use “We” and not “I” or “You”.
And when we’re in the room? I encourage my teams to do one tiny thing that has a massive impact: sit on the same side of the table.
It sounds ridiculous until you try it. Suddenly, you’re not facing each other across a table, but you’re literally looking at the problem together. The entire energy changes from handing off tasks to collaborating on a shared goal.
5. Translating between customers and engineering
As a CS leader, one of my most important jobs is translation, not just between customers and product, but between two very different ways of thinking.
Engineering speaks in binary: fixed or not fixed. Customers experience progress or the painful lack of it.
I constantly work with our engineering and support teams to change how we update customers. Instead of: “We’re still looking into it.” We say: “We’ve ruled out X and Y, and right now we’re validating Z. If that path holds, we’ll move to the next phase tomorrow and I’ll update you by noon.”
I push my teams to lead with the wins. We start by detailing exactly how much ground we’ve already covered and the progress we made right up until the moment we hit the problem. By pulling back the curtain on our thought process, we show the customer that even if we’re currently blocked, we aren't just standing still, we're moving forward with intent.
That level of transparency builds trust even when there’s no immediate resolution or a full solution, sometimes especially then.
Because if you’re just providing outcomes in 2026, that won’t quite cut it. Customers now expect transparency and predictability.
What this really comes down to is deposits and withdrawals
Every single customer interaction is either a deposit or a withdrawal from your relationship capital.
When you communicate progress (even when you’re blocked), when you fix the person before the problem, and when you lead with assertive clarity, you’re making deposits.
You’ll need those credits the day you have to deliver a price increase, a delayed feature, or your own mistake.
In customer success we’re constantly told to be the “voice of the customer”.
The way I see it, our real mission is to be the “leader of the customer”. Not just to listen, but to provide a clear, confident path forward.
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